


I Ain't Got No Body

by IgnobleBard



Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Elves, Humor, Pre-Lord of The Rings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-27
Updated: 2015-06-27
Packaged: 2018-04-06 09:31:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4216562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IgnobleBard/pseuds/IgnobleBard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Glorfindel can't seem to stay out of Mandos. - Slash, Humor</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Ain't Got No Body

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the HASA Transition Team: This story was originally archived at [HASA](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Henneth_Ann%C3%BBn_Story_Archive), which closed in February 2015. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in February 2015. We posted announcements about the move, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact The HASA Transition Team using the e-mail address on the [HASA collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hasa/profile).

Námo looked at the Elf standing in front of him and shook his head in resignation.

"Again? What was it this time?"

"Tried to swim against an undertow."

"Dammit, Glorfindel! I've never seen an Elf so accident prone. Oh, all right, you know the drill."

Glorfindel's _fëa_ made its way to the body chamber and stepped in. Lights flashed, buzzers sounded, the door hissed open, and Glorfindel, in a fog of dry ice, walked out in his brand new body.

"Looks good," Námo observed, "if I do say so myself. And I do."

"I don't know," Glorfindel said, shifting from foot to foot and hiking up his hips. "It's a little tight in the crotch."

"It'll stretch out, give it a few months," Námo said.

"All right then. Bye."

"Yep, off you go."

*two months later*

Námo was sipping his tea when Glorfindel's _fëa_ appeared before him. He jumped like a scalded cat and tea flew everywhere.

"Glorfindel! What in the name of Manwë's shiny knob…?"

"Horse threw me," Glorfindel said shortly.

"Off to the chamber with you," Námo said with a sigh.

Glorfindel wandered back in, naked. "Mind if I join you?" he said, approaching a chair.

Námo tossed the tea towel under him just before his butt hit the naugahyde. "This is getting to be quite the habit with you, Glorfindel," he said, pouring him a cup of tea. "You've got to be more careful."

"I do try, but something always seems to happen."

After the tea and a couple of cucumber sandwiches he left.

*two months later*

Námo was flossing his teeth when he saw Glorfindel's _fëa_ in the mirror behind him. He dropped the floss and gasped causing one end of the string to go down his throat. He had a minor coughing fit and tears were streaming from his eyes as he shouted, "Glorfindel!"

"Slipped on the soap," Glorfindel's _fëa_ shrugged.

"You do this one more time and I'm putting you in a Troll!" Námo groused.

"This isn't fun for me either," Glorfindel said crossly.

"No, I guess not. Just get in the chamber already."

Glorfindel came out looking boffo. Námo almost drooled at the sight of him.

"My best work ever," Námo beamed, turning Glorfindel around and looking him over. He took a lint brush and ran it over Glorfindel's butt to remove a couple of wayward hairs. "You have _got_ to take care of this, I'll never make one better."

"You know, I'm thinking maybe a change of scene. A trip to Middle Earth or something."

"Out of the question!" Námo said firmly. "No dangerous sea voyages for you."

"All right, I'll just go to the hunt this weekend."

"No better rider than you are? Not on your newly minted behind."

"Well, then I'll just hit the shower and be on my way."

"You're here because you slipped on the soap. You are forbidden to shower ever again."

"Then what _can_ I do?" Glorfindel was exasperated.

"There is one safe activity," Námo said with a grin.

They were right in the middle of making love when Vairë's tapestry of Glorfindel slaying the Balrog fell on them. Námo struggled out from under the heavy cloth but by the time he pulled Glorfindel out, the Elf had suffocated.

Glorfindel's _fëa_ floated next to Námo's shoulder, looking down sadly at his beautiful, lifeless body.

"That was a really nice one too," he sighed.

"Yeah, I'm gonna miss that one," Námo said, stroking the golden hair.

"To the chamber again?"

"No, I have a better idea," Námo grinned.

He picked up a straw and sucked Glorfindel's _fëa_ into it, then shoved the straw up the body's nose and blew hard. Glorfindel took a deep breath, then another, and finally his eyes fluttered open.

"Whoa!" he said. "That was. . . wild!"

Námo laughed. "I haven't done that in years. You should have seen the look on Fingon's face when I did that to him.

"Please, spare me the details," Glorfindel giggled.

"All right, off with you now," Námo said good-naturedly. "And this time be extra careful!"

"I will," Glorfindel promised.

*six months later*

Námo was putting the finishing touches on his bonsai tree when he heard a voice behind him.

"Ever try to feed jerky to a Warg?"

"Nooooo!"


End file.
